My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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