Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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