I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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