New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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