We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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