The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
