Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You smell like stripper and shame
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize