woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
