I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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