I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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