Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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