I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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