I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
