I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
