period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
