Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
