Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
