so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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