I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
