Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
