It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
