i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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