you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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