I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
