All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
