btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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