If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
