As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.