i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh god it's open bar.