i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"