used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months