i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.