and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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