Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
