I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
