she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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