My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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