Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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