Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
