I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
