i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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