he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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