sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i think i just naturally attract stoners
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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