She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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