I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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