how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
