I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
