party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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