its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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