I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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