i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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