Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
