Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FUCK WHALES
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
