She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
