if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
