You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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