tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
