she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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