are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
