Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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