The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize