So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
