Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
