I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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