I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We talked him into tasing himself.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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