is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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