im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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