I could make wine with my vomit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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