90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it because I queefed?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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