he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
