i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
