Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
