This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
