Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
God, I missed his penis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
