mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
