If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
