I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
