i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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