He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
