I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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